Tuesday, May 22, 2007

Warning, navel gazing and much whining below. Not the usual theme of this blog. Read at your own risk.

I'm feeling left out.

I used to think that being popular didn't matter once you got out of high school, but now I'm not so sure. I don't think I'll ever be that person that everyone wants to be best buddies with. Why is that? I'm funny, interesting, fairly well read, a good listener. Dammit, I'm good enough, right?
channeling some self-help guru here...

So why am I not the one being invited anywhere? Why does it seem I am the one who has to set something up for me to be included? I don't get it. Why do I seem to be last on the list? Do I have to extend myself even more than I feel I already do?
How come some people can come into a situation or a group and barely know anyone and then all of a sudden they are best pals with several others? How do they do that? I really would like to know.

I used to think not having close friends anymore was because of isolating myself when I when through episodes of depression but I have been really pushing myself to socialize for more then 6 months and things feel the same.

None of these feelings are being helped by the fact that my cousin, who has been my very closest friend since we were kids has pretty much dumped me for a guy she met last summer. They were living together after 3 months and got married after 6 months. She has not told me any of this herself, I've heard it allthrough the grapevine. real, nice, huh? I'm really hurt and cannot even bring myself to think about it too much.

4 comments:

Miranda said...

Now that I'm finally recovering, let's set something up.

I feel equally unpopular because it is just so hard to make friends, imho.

Kellieandkids said...

OMG! I LOVE you and I want you to come every time we do something. I really do! I would never want you to feel left out...

I kind of used to feel that way, but I have recently, more than ever, going out of my way to be more social. It is so hard for me because I am very much an introvert, but I really want friends and friends like our group are the ones I want...so I do it even though it's not comfortable and it seems to be turning out okay...

Hey, want to get together just you and me and crochet while the kids play? I have a fence now so we won't be gawked at! LOL! I would love to have you over and your kids too!

Michelle R said...

Jane, I think you are I are so much a like in the ways we think.

I always think I'm 'over thinking' things and then I can let it go for awhile then like the disease it is my toxic thoughts creep up again. They take over. They make me doubt myself. Why don't have have more close friends? Why is it me who is always planning things? Do people not like me, why? what is it about me that people don't like? Healthy, unhealthy it's a struggle for me everyday.

You are a great person. I've known you for 3 years now and I think you are one of the most unique, fun, nicest, coolest people that I know. Your kids are bright beautiful and fun to be around.

I love you Jane and I would always be happy to do anytime, anytime! Let's plan something soon!

Kim said...

Jane,

I cannot tell you how many times in my life I felt the same way. Hugs dear. You are special, you are loving and you are loved! Some people ARE the planners some others just go along for the ride. I'm not a planner, I am too frazzled mostly. Something missing in the brain, I guess. Every time there is an event that I can get to, I ALWAYS hope that you are there! I'm sorry about your cousin.