Monday, April 07, 2008

The kids and were I alone over the weekend, the Man went up north to take our old tv and gigantic, heavy entertainment center up to my parent's cottage. He then had to leave abruptly on Sunday morning from the cottage to go to work, His bosses were having some important potential customers coming from France and they were freaking out about getting the studio in top shape for the visitors. Because we know that every single French person is the embodiment of style and culture, right? I'll admit, when we were in Paris many years ago, we didn't see anyone with a hair out of place or any sweatpants or sneakers in sight. In those days, before children and responsibility,, the Man and I were rather stylish and thin and were even mistaken for natives from time to time, quite an ego booster for us. Maybe that's why we didn't encounter any of the stereotypical rude French, because they didn't know we were Americans? This is with my tongue planted firmly in my cheek, just call it my generalization overload blog for today.

The children and I had quite an uneventful weekend. Friday was pizza and movie night, I went slightly over my points allowance for the day. Pizza is what my WW leader would call my "trigger" food. A little bit is never enough. I'm not sure why I turned my relationship with food from a fairly normal one to a food is my only comfort one. It started when I had my 3rd baby, lots of circumstances leading to PPD, leading to food becoming way more important that it should be to ease my worries and help me to relax. It's almost embarrassing to type that out now, but I've learned from the other folks in my WW meetings that it isn't all that uncommon for a lot of people. So I'm trying to discover other ways to get comfort and relaxation, one of my comforts has become the internet and then that turned into another issue, spending way too much time online and getting almost nothing in return for all the time spent. Actually losing time with my family, in fact. I recently decided to limit my online time and in order to do that I had to drop from a group I had been with for a long time, but I had become obsessive with this group, checking on it constantly, posting many times in a day. I'll admit, I probably wouldn't have left had it not been for a few other incidents that don't need to be repeated here. I miss a few of the people I left behind but I hope to stay in touch with those few. I honestly don't think my leaving has sent much of a ripple through the group and I'd be lying if I didn't say I was hoping for a few emails asking where I was, at least. But that has always been one of my issues with this group. It was up to me to put myself out there to get closer to people, not expect them to do it for me. So when I see people forming sincere, deep friendships and I get envious about not being included, well, it is really my fault for not having the guts to put myself out there and trying to form solid relationships of my own with the people I felt a connection to.

Good grief, this started out as a how was our weekend blog and turned into an all about me ramble. Sorry, will be back to regularly scheduled less angst filled posting tomorrow.


Anonymous said...

Well I hope you are over it faster than I am. I still feel sort of aimless and wandering. Blah. I wish you lived closer - we could just get what we need from each other.

I didn't know your issues with food started after your third - mine too. I wonder why? I just have no clue. I always try to figure it out because I feel like if I can get to the bottom of it, maybe I can change it in a way that will make the issue disappear. Probably dumb. I really mourn my old self, many many times a day. It has profoundly affected my life and me as a person. It is so sad. I didn't mean to make this about me - just that I can relate. I think food = happiness and food = celebration and food= comfort. It is Not Good.

I'm so jealous of your time in France!

Michelle R said...

You are missed, greatly. The ripple HAS BEEN felt. I'm sorry you don't feel that you got out as much as you put in because we all love you, we love having you there. And we'd love to have you back, anytime.
But I'm not going to let that stop us from continuing being friends. I vaule you and your friendship very much!
I love pizza too :)